In the game of life, communication is key. But did you know that a large percentage of our communication is non-verbal? That’s right, our body language, facial expressions, and even how we carry ourselves can speak louder than words. These silent signals can also give away our defensive tells, revealing our apprehensions, insecurities, or even our outright defiance.

By becoming aware of these tells, we can better manage our non-verbal cues and improve our interactions with others. Let’s explore the top 10 defensive tells you may be broadcasting without uttering a single word.

1. Closed Body Language

Closed body language, such as crossed arms or legs, is one of the most common defensive tells. People often adopt this posture when they’re uncomfortable, threatened, or disagreeing with what’s being said. Physically, they are putting a barrier between themselves and the perceived threat.

For example, if you’re in a meeting and your boss proposes a new strategy you disagree with, you might unconsciously cross your arms. This non-verbal cue could be interpreted by your boss as you being resistant to change. To avoid broadcasting this defensive tell, practice keeping your body language open and relaxed.

2. Avoiding Eye Contact

People tend to avoid eye contact when they’re feeling defensive. It might be because they’re uncomfortable, lying, or trying to avoid a confrontation. However, consistently avoiding eye contact can make you seem untrustworthy or insecure.

Let’s say you’re in a conversation with a friend about a sensitive topic. If you keep shifting your gaze away, your friend might think you’re hiding something or not fully engaged in the conversation. To improve, try to maintain a comfortable level of eye contact during conversations.

3. Fidgeting

Fidgeting, such as tapping your foot, twirling your hair, or constantly shifting in your seat, is another telltale sign of defensiveness. These actions can indicate restlessness, nerves, or impatience, and can be distracting to others.

Imagine being in an interview and the interviewer notices you tapping your foot. They might interpret your fidgeting as a sign of nervousness or lack of confidence. To avoid this, become aware of your fidgeting habits and work on keeping them in check.

4. Defensive Facial Expressions

Facial expressions like furrowed brows, tightened lips, or rolling eyes can be clear signs of defensiveness. They can reveal your displeasure, disbelief, or irritation without you saying a word.

For instance, if your partner suggests a new budget plan and you roll your eyes, they may interpret it as you dismissing their idea outright. Be mindful of your facial expressions and strive to keep them neutral during discussions.

5. Turning Away

If you turn your body away from someone during a conversation, it can be a sign of defensiveness. It can show that you’re shutting yourself off from the other person or trying to distance yourself from the situation.

For example, if you’re arguing with a colleague and turn your body away from them, it might be perceived as you not being open to their point of view. To avoid this, aim to keep your body facing the person you’re speaking with.

6. Excessive Nodding

Nodding is generally seen as a sign of agreement, but excessive or rapid nodding can indicate defensiveness. It can signal that you’re trying to rush the other person or that you’re not actually absorbing what they’re saying.

For instance, if you’re in a meeting and you start rapidly nodding while someone is presenting an idea, it could be seen as you wanting them to hurry up. Try to control your nodding and only do so when you genuinely agree or understand.

7. Tightening of the Jaw

A tightened jaw or clenched teeth can be a silent sign of defensiveness. This often happens when someone is trying to suppress anger or frustration.

For example, if you’re in a disagreement with a friend and you clench your jaw, it could signal that you’re becoming defensive. To avoid this, be aware of your facial tension and consciously relax your jaw during tense situations.

8. Rigid Posture

A rigid posture, like standing too straight or stiffening your shoulders, can indicate defensiveness. It can show that you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or uneasy.

For instance, if you’re in a tense conversation with your boss and your posture becomes noticeably rigid, it could signal that you’re feeling defensive. Try to keep your posture relaxed and natural to avoid giving off this defensive tell.

9. Short, Sharp Movements

Short, sharp movements, like abrupt hand gestures or quick nods, can be signs of defensiveness. They can signal that you’re feeling agitated or impatient.

For example, if you’re in a heated discussion with a colleague and you start making sharp hand gestures, it could be interpreted as you becoming defensive. Be mindful of your movements and aim for smoother, more relaxed gestures.

10. Use of Physical Barriers

The use of physical barriers, like holding a bag or a cup in front of you or sitting behind a desk, can be a defensive tell. These objects act as a shield, providing a sense of security.

For instance, if you’re in a difficult conversation and you place your coffee cup between you and the other person, it could be seen as a sign of defensiveness. Try to minimize the use of physical barriers to come across as more open and approachable.

By becoming more aware of these non-verbal cues and actively working to manage them, you can greatly improve your communication skills, relationships, and overall image. Remember, actions often speak louder than words.