In our daily interactions, we often exchange compliments with others to express our admiration, show kindness, or simply establish rapport. However, despite our best intentions, the compliments we give can sometimes be perceived as backhanded or underhanded insults.

This typically happens when we unknowingly use phrases that seem to compliment someone on the surface, but subtly put them down at the same time. Understanding and avoiding such remarks can help us maintain healthier relationships and communicate more effectively. Let’s take a look at 10 compliments that may not be as flattering as we think.

1. “You’re so brave for wearing that outfit.”

Telling someone they are brave for their fashion choices may seem like an acknowledgement of their confidence. However, it implies that there’s something inherently wrong or unattractive about their outfit that requires courage to wear in public.

Instead of commenting on their bravery, offer a sincere compliment about a specific aspect of their outfit that you genuinely like. For instance, “The color of your dress really brings out your eyes,” or “Those shoes look very stylish with your jeans.” A specific, sincere compliment is always more appreciated than a generalized, potentially backhanded one.

2. “You’re pretty for a…”

This compliment usually ends with a qualifier such as “a plus-sized girl,” “an older woman,” or “a nerdy guy.” It suggests that the person’s attractiveness is surprising given their physical appearance or personality traits, which is quite insulting.

Instead, simply tell the person that they’re attractive without any qualifiers. Say “You’re beautiful” or “You’re handsome” without adding any “buts” or “fors”. Everyone deserves to be appreciated for who they are, not based on societal stereotypes or prejudices.

3. “You’re smarter than you look.”

This phrase implies that the person doesn’t look intelligent, which is a direct insult. Intelligence is not determined by appearance and it’s inappropriate to suggest otherwise.

Rather than focusing on looks, compliment the person’s ideas, insights, or problem-solving skills. For example, you could say, “You have a really sharp mind,” or “Your insights are always so illuminating.” This way, you’re valuing their intellect rather than passing judgment on their appearance.

4. “You carry your weight well.”

While seemingly a compliment, this phrase can be interpreted as “You’re overweight, but at least you don’t look terrible.” It can be hurtful and embarrassing for the person receiving it.

Instead, focus on complimenting the person’s overall appearance or specific aspects of their style. For instance, “You always look great,” or “I love your style.” It’s important to be sensitive about issues related to body weight and appearance.

5. “You don’t look your age.”

While this may seem like a compliment on someone’s youthful appearance, it also implies that looking older is a negative thing.

A better way to compliment someone’s appearance would be, “You look great!” or “You have a timeless beauty about you.” These compliments are positive and do not contain any implied negatives about aging.

6. “You’re not like other…”

This compliment is often followed by “girls,” “guys,” “people your age,” etc. While it might seem like you’re singling the person out as special, it also implies that there’s something wrong with being like others in their group.

Instead, compliment the unique qualities and characteristics that you appreciate about the person. For example, “I admire your creativity,” or “Your kindness truly sets you apart.”

7. “You’re so articulate.”

While the intention behind this compliment is usually to praise someone’s communication skills, it can also subtly imply surprise that the person is capable of expressing themselves well.

Instead, say something like, “You express your thoughts so eloquently,” or “I love how you convey your ideas,” which appreciates their communication skills without any hidden implications.

8. “I wish I could be as laid back as you.”

While it seems like you’re praising someone’s relaxed demeanor, this can also suggest that they lack ambition or drive.

Instead, you could say, “I admire your ability to stay calm under pressure,” or “Your easy-going nature is really refreshing.” This way, you’re complimenting their ability to stay composed without implying they lack motivation.

9. “It’s so nice to see you finally doing well.”

While this seems like a congratulatory remark, it implies that the person has been unsuccessful or struggling until now.

A more appropriate compliment would be, “I’m so proud of your accomplishments,” or “You’ve done an amazing job.” This way, you’re acknowledging their success without making negative assumptions about their past.

10. “I could never pull off what you’re doing.”

This compliment suggests that what the person is doing is not something most people would want to do. It can come off as more of a criticism than a compliment.

Instead, express your admiration directly, like, “I admire your dedication and commitment,” or “Your work is truly impressive.” This way, you’re acknowledging their efforts and success without implying it’s something ‘unusual’ or ‘unwanted’.