Money talks are often the root of many disputes, whether it be between friends, family members, or romantic partners. Many relationships have been strained or broken due to differences in financial beliefs and habits.

In fact, according to the American Psychological Association, almost 31% of adults with partners report that money is a major source of conflict in their relationship. Therefore, it’s crucial to learn how to approach these conversations with grace, patience and understanding. Here are ten ways to start money talks right and avoid unnecessary disagreements.

1. Plan Ahead

Before initiating a conversation about money, it’s important to plan what you want to say. This includes identifying the main issues, preparing possible solutions and anticipating the other person’s reaction.

For example, if you want to discuss your partner’s excessive spending habits, you can start by listing the specific instances where you felt their expenditure was unnecessary. You can then propose ways to curb such spending, such as setting a monthly budget or avoiding impulsive purchases. By thinking ahead, you can ensure the conversation stays focused and productive.

2. Choose the Right Time and Place

When discussing money matters, the setting of the conversation can greatly influence its outcome. It’s best to choose a calm and neutral environment where both parties feel comfortable and relaxed.

Avoid bringing up financial issues during heated moments or when the other person is stressed or tired. Instead, choose a time when you both are relaxed and open for discussion. For example, a quiet dinner at home might be a good time to discuss your financial plans and goals.

3. Use “I” Statements

One of the most effective ways to avoid turning a conversation into a fight is by using “I” statements. This means expressing your feelings and thoughts from your perspective, rather than blaming the other person.

For instance, instead of saying, “You spend too much money on unnecessary things,” you can say, “I feel anxious when I see a lot of money being spent on non-essential items.” This approach encourages empathy and understanding rather than defensiveness.

4. Listen Actively

In any conversation, listening is just as important as talking—if not more. Active listening involves giving the other person your full attention and showing that you understand their point of view.

You can do this by restating what the other person says, asking clarifying questions, and providing feedback. For example, if your partner is explaining their reasons for a certain purchase, you can say something like, “So you bought that new gadget because it helps you with your work, is that right?”

5. Stay Calm and Patient

Money discussions can easily trigger emotions, especially if there’s a disagreement. It’s essential to remain calm and patient throughout the conversation, even if things get heated.

Instead of raising your voice or making aggressive gestures, try to maintain a calm demeanor and use a gentle tone of voice. If the conversation gets too tense, it’s okay to take a break and resume when both of you feel calmer.

6. Be Honest, But Respectful

Honesty is key in any conversation, including money talks. However, it’s important to express your honesty in a respectful manner.

Avoid using harsh words or making personal attacks. Instead, be straightforward about your concerns and expectations, but do it in a way that respects the other person’s feelings. For instance, instead of saying “Your spending habits are ridiculous,” you can say “I’m concerned about how our current spending habits might affect our future savings.”

7. Seek Common Ground

Even if you and your partner or family member have different views on money, there’s likely some common ground that you both can agree on, such as the importance of saving for the future or the need to limit debt.

Focusing on these shared values can help you approach the conversation from a place of unity, rather than opposition. This can lead to more collaborative and productive discussions.

8. Be Open to Compromise

In any disagreement, compromise is often the key to resolution. This is particularly true in money talks, where both parties may have different financial goals or habits.

Be willing to adjust your expectations and find a middle ground instead of insisting on your own way. For instance, if your partner wants to spend more on leisure activities while you prefer to save, you can agree on setting aside a certain percentage of your income for fun and the rest for savings.

9. Show Appreciation

Appreciating the other person’s perspective can go a long way in making money talks more positive and productive. It shows that you respect their views and value their input.

Make sure to express gratitude for their willingness to discuss financial matters and their efforts to contribute to the financial health of your relationship or family. A simple “Thank you for sharing your thoughts” or “I appreciate your effort to save more” can make a big difference.

10. Seek Professional Help If Needed

If money talks continue to lead to fights despite your best efforts, it may be beneficial to seek help from a financial advisor or a relationship counselor. These professionals can provide you with tools and strategies to communicate more effectively and manage your finances better.

Remember, there’s no shame in seeking help. It’s a sign of strength and willingness to improve your relationship and financial situation.